The Highs and Lows of Singleness and Dating

I love this rainbow. I took the photo on a recent bike ride. It perfectly describes the hope I have in the path I walk along in following Jesus. Rainbows represent hope to me. Sometimes you get your hopes up that you may have found someone who would be right for you. It's fun. It makes you feel alive in a way that is hard to describe. It's good to have a reason to make myself pretty. It's a rare feeling when you are looking for something specific in a partner. But it feels good when it comes along. But it rarely works out for one reason or another.  I don't allow my heart to have hope with just anyone. It takes a special someone. I'm realizing how extremely rare the person with the qualities I'm looking for is. I'm convinced that most people settle for what is not right for them because it's hard to be alone. When I first started dating, I had very specific things that I was looking for in a partner. I still have many of those things, but I have expanded some of my criteria because I know how hard it is to find someone. A dear friend told me months ago that her mom met a guy online that lived in a different state and they eventually married and have been married for 14 years. When I hear stories like that, I start to wonder how open I should be in regards to distance. I have also seen my friends who are dating change their criteria because they are also realizing how hard it is to find somebody really great. People that wouldn't have considered dating someone with kids in the past because they want to start their own family might consider it in the future as time goes along. So I go back and forth about what I desire/need ultimately. I dated a man several months ago who lived two hours away from me and we talked about marriage. I didn't know how to make it work, but I remember thinking that he was so rare that he was worth jumping any hurdle for. I wanted to figure out how to make it work because he seemed too special to let go. I remember truly believing that God could make it work, after all, He parted the Red Sea! I've already been alone for five years. I could handle marrying someone spectacular and living in two different households for a few years until the kids are grown just to have an amazing guy in my life, or driving back-and-forth to be together a few nights a week. Maybe I'm crazy, but I have that much love in me that I will fight to make something work if it's good enough. Unfortunately the relationship didn't work out due to other reasons. Today I had the realization that I've never had a man fight for me because he thought I was worth jumping any hurdle for, ultimately not even in my marriage. That thought brought me to tears. Why is that so hard to face?  Dad issues? Or just because every girl (and guy) should have someone in her life that sees her as such a blessing that he'll do whatever it takes to keep her in his life? I had a small moment of wondering why nobody ever wants to fight for me, even though I know it doesn't have to do with my character deep down.  I guess I just haven't met the man who thinks I'm so amazing that he won't ever let me go. I hope to meet him one day. Sometimes I just pray that if God doesn't have someone for me, that he'll take away my deep desire to share my life with someone. It's hard being alone. I understand why most people settle for someone who isn't the best for them, just so they have somebody in their lives. I just don't want to settle.  I want to believe that after so much pain in romantic relationships, God will "restore the years the locust has eaten" (Joel 2:25) in my life and will give me "a crown of beauty for ashes" (Isaiah 61:3). I pray that He will "repay two blessings for each of my troubles" as He promised to the prisoners who still had hope in Zechariah 9:12. What do people do without Jesus? I don't even want to know where my life would be without him. Dear Jesus, at the end of each day, it's always just you and me. If you so choose, bless me with a man who believes that you can do the impossible even as it relates to me. I praise you that my life is in your hands and that even if no man ever fights for me, you fought for my heart with your life. I love you and choose to honor you no matter what circumstances I face in this life! I love this song...Jesus, there is no one like you, Jesus.....

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