God's Goodness to ME

I've wrestled with a thought several times over the last year.  I know that God is good.  I know that He wants to bless His people.  I've seen His blessings many times in my life in various ways.  But when I think about the specific way I've been so hurt in my life, it makes me question his goodness in that area.  It's not that I question whether He's good.  I question His goodness to ME in that specific area.  I guess this is part of the age old thing people wrestle with.  If God is good, why does He let bad things happen to people? After so many years of hurt in my marriage, I wrestled with this issue somewhat but knew I was on the path to healing once it was over.  But then after feeling like I did everything the right way after my divorce: grieving the loss, working hard to heal and waiting to venture back into the dating world until I knew I was healed, I thought I was done feeling pain in that area.  I searched long and hard for a man who was truly following God.  I saw a lot of godly character in the guy I dated for 9 months.  But I wound up being hurt in the exact same way by a guy who this time, was really good at putting up a godly front. So then I was really left questioning how God allowed me to be in that situation AGAIN.  I was following Him.  I was obeying His word. I was asking for His guidance each step of the way.  I know that God doesn't always protect His followers from hard things.  But AGAIN? In such a painful way?  I heard a sermon from a guy whose daughter died of cancer and he was talking about how He knows God is good but wrestles with how God allowed His little girl to die and how to trust God with another little girl he was blessed with.  He was having trouble formulating his thoughts as he said "I know God is good, but is He...", and as his voice trailed off, unable to put into words what was in his heart, I wanted to finish his sentence for him because I knew exactly what he was trying to say: I know God is good, but is He going to be good to ME!" It's hard to explain because I've seen Him be good to me in other areas at different times in my life.  I feel bad even insinuating that He might not be good in any area.  I know He's good in every way.  I guess I'm wondering why I've experienced so much pain in one area of my life multiple times when I've been obedient to Him. And that leads to the question...will I ever be be blessed in that area? I know my thinking is faulty.  That's why I need to keep growing in my view of God.

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