Singleness in the Church


I am a little reluctant to talk about this because I don't want to sound like I'm placing any blame on the church. I've just realized over the last 5+ years how hard it is to be single in the church. And I know other singles feel the same. It isn't anybody's fault. I'm well aware that my involvement in church depends on me. I don't know what singleness in the church is like for someone that has never married. But for someone who is divorced, it's difficult. Most "singles" in churches are college aged/20's people. So what happens when you become single in your late 30's/40's? It has been a struggle for me to figure out where I fit.  When I was married, we were in the married couples group. Everyone had kids around the ages of our kids. We all had a lot in common.  Once I divorced, I couldn't go to the "married" group any more. But I was still in the same stage of life as those people. It's just tough to not only lose your spouse but to feel like you don't even fit at church. I've given myself the grace to back off from certain things at different places in my healing journey in order to be ok. When you are grieving a marital loss (or even loss due to death, I'm sure), it is hard to go to church and sit alone seeing the couples in front of you holding hands during praise time or his arm around her during the sermon.  It's a reminder of the loss you feel. I've grown accustomed to doing things alone, but sometimes church is more difficult for some reason. I'll even reluctantly admit that I've visited other churches on occasion instead of attending my home church because for some reason it is easier on my heart to be single and anonymous in a church where nobody knows me. It doesn't really make sense. Singleness is just hard in most aspects of life, and church is not excluded from that.

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